November 2015 Counselor Corner
Kindergartners & First graders reviewed Kelso’s wheel of conflict management:
Here’s a mini-Kelso’s wheel.
Kids should know that small problems are things that they can handle. Big problems are dangerous or scary, and need to be reported to an adult.
If you try one of Kelso’s choices and it doesn’t work, TRY SOMETHING NEW!!! There are nine choices, so if one doesn’t work, you’ve still got eight different things that might work better.
Tattling is when you report a small problem without trying to solve it on your own first. If you’ve tried two of Kelso’s choices, you might try asking for help from an adult. That’s not tattling because you tried to solve the problem.
Kids will love talking about Kelso at home too. I can remember when my daughter came home in 2nd grade and told me during a disagreement I was having with my husband, “Mom, maybe you should make another choice off of Kelso’s wheel...why don’t you try walking away?” Kids get it!! Next time your child has a conflict at home ask first if the problem is big or small? Then ask what Kelso might do? What other choice could they make?
2nd - 5th graders have had the luxury of learning the language of connection, also known as Nonviolent Communication. One of the ways we can help students understand non-violent communication is through learning about Jackals and Giraffes. Mr. H, Ms. Cohen and Megan Thorner, our student counselor had the opportunity to talk with students about characteristics of Jackals and Giraffes. First, we covered the idea that feelings come from needs, and we’ve spent a few weeks learning to distinguish observations from judgments. Students typically distinguish fact from opinion in other academic content areas, but when it comes to interpersonal conflict, it becomes much more difficult.
Here’s a simplified T-chart of what we’ve been doing:
Observations /Giraffe language
Judgments/Jackal language
Facts
Non-arguable (usually)
Based on seeing, hearing, touching, etc. (“I saw ___”; “You said ____”)
Can be internal (“I feel ____”)
Opinions
Very arguable
Subject to interpretation
Evaluative
Focus on connection, understanding, giving/receiving
Oriented by feelings & needs
Focus on defense/offense, right/wrong, good/bad
Oriented by blame
Learning to speak “Giraffe” can help us meet our own needs and those of others by taking attention away from blame. Giraffes are used as the metaphor because they have the largest heart of any land mammal in the world, and they have a long neck to see the world through different perspectives. Please ask your child about the Jackal and Giraffe ears….What do they mean when they are facing out? What do they mean when they are facing in?
This week, we’re reading The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs, which is the classic tale told through the eyes of the wolf. We talk about how, in conflict, there’s usually another side of the story, and we can really benefit from understanding that. For more on non-violent communication, check out Marshall Rosenberg’s talk in San Francisco on YouTube.
Kindergartners & First graders reviewed Kelso’s wheel of conflict management:
Here’s a mini-Kelso’s wheel.
Kids should know that small problems are things that they can handle. Big problems are dangerous or scary, and need to be reported to an adult.
If you try one of Kelso’s choices and it doesn’t work, TRY SOMETHING NEW!!! There are nine choices, so if one doesn’t work, you’ve still got eight different things that might work better.
Tattling is when you report a small problem without trying to solve it on your own first. If you’ve tried two of Kelso’s choices, you might try asking for help from an adult. That’s not tattling because you tried to solve the problem.
Kids will love talking about Kelso at home too. I can remember when my daughter came home in 2nd grade and told me during a disagreement I was having with my husband, “Mom, maybe you should make another choice off of Kelso’s wheel...why don’t you try walking away?” Kids get it!! Next time your child has a conflict at home ask first if the problem is big or small? Then ask what Kelso might do? What other choice could they make?
2nd - 5th graders have had the luxury of learning the language of connection, also known as Nonviolent Communication. One of the ways we can help students understand non-violent communication is through learning about Jackals and Giraffes. Mr. H, Ms. Cohen and Megan Thorner, our student counselor had the opportunity to talk with students about characteristics of Jackals and Giraffes. First, we covered the idea that feelings come from needs, and we’ve spent a few weeks learning to distinguish observations from judgments. Students typically distinguish fact from opinion in other academic content areas, but when it comes to interpersonal conflict, it becomes much more difficult.
Here’s a simplified T-chart of what we’ve been doing:
Observations /Giraffe language
Judgments/Jackal language
Facts
Non-arguable (usually)
Based on seeing, hearing, touching, etc. (“I saw ___”; “You said ____”)
Can be internal (“I feel ____”)
Opinions
Very arguable
Subject to interpretation
Evaluative
Focus on connection, understanding, giving/receiving
Oriented by feelings & needs
Focus on defense/offense, right/wrong, good/bad
Oriented by blame
Learning to speak “Giraffe” can help us meet our own needs and those of others by taking attention away from blame. Giraffes are used as the metaphor because they have the largest heart of any land mammal in the world, and they have a long neck to see the world through different perspectives. Please ask your child about the Jackal and Giraffe ears….What do they mean when they are facing out? What do they mean when they are facing in?
This week, we’re reading The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs, which is the classic tale told through the eyes of the wolf. We talk about how, in conflict, there’s usually another side of the story, and we can really benefit from understanding that. For more on non-violent communication, check out Marshall Rosenberg’s talk in San Francisco on YouTube.